Why setting goals is good for you

I love setting myself challenging goals. I set myself goals to do with my business, my health, my family (my role in the family, not theirs!) and even goals that will be fun. Consciously working towards the things that you love is fantastic as anyone who does this will agree. So it still surprises me how often I meet people who tell me that they don't set any goals, they don't see the point. I'm all for acceptance of others, but I do wonder whether their belief is actually true. You see, I think we all set goals, even if we don't do it consciously. Hands up if you've ever set out to achieve something and then achieved it? All of you? Yes of course you have!

We're designed to want to set goals for ourselves from the moment we're born. Who reading this still needs to be fed by their mum or dad with a spoon? Who still needs to be taken to the toilet? If you're reading this I'm guessing you once set a goal to learn to read too (and yes, you did that not your teachers or parents). We all set goals all of the time and thank goodness we do because life would be pretty dull otherwise. I truly believe setting goals is good for all of us and here are some of my reasons why:

1. Goals help you to think about what you want out of life. They help you to focus and clarify what matters and what doesn't.
   
2. Goals give you something to work towards, and you get to have that brilliant sense of achievement when you reach them.
   
3. Goals are fun! Especially if you set goals that really mean something to you.
   
4. Goals make you work harder. Yes, this is a good thing, as long as you're working towards what you want.
   
5. Goals develop you as a person. Think of all the things you can do now that you couldn't a few years ago.
   
6. Goals give you confidence. Every time we achieve something beyond what we were previously capable of, we feel more confident in ourselves.
   

So goals are great; but what happens if you don't set about to achieve any?

If you don't have any goals at all you're probably drifting along, living day by day without any kind of plan. You may be just getting by, soldiering on or any other cliché that springs to your mind. You might be one of those people who, when you ask them how they are, they say "mustn't grumble" or "not too bad thanks". Sounds delightful!

I invite you now to join the growing revolution; start to think about what you want and start to plan how you're going to bring it about. Set yourself a goal to be a goal-setter!

Need help? Call me! 07749 791707

Communicating with your teen

As a coach to teenagers I often come across parents who say to me that they feel they just can't communicate with their teenage son or daughter. It seems that whatever they say, it's always the wrong thing . Life can become very stressful when faced with battles over seemingly everything. So who's to blame? Is it the kids or the parents who are creating the problem?

Actually, I don't think it's helpful to see this as a problem. Challenges over communication are part of life, this isn't just a teenage issue. Having said that, teens do bring added challenges.  Have you ever seen the postcard 'Quick, ask a teenager while they still know it all!'  I love that; it brings back memories of my own earlier years when I thought that my parents were utterly ignorant and that everything was simple!  Teens can often be regarded as difficult, moody and unresponsive. They can also be quite hurtful (unwittingly) to others who don't fit in with what's trendy.

If this is a challenge for you, what can you do about it?  Below (in no particular order) are some ideas you could try, let me know how you get on!

1) How well do you listen? 

Often we get so wrapped up in our own 'stuff' that we think we're listening when we're actually planning our day ahead, or thinking about our to do list. Practice actively listening to your teen; the car can be a great place for this because you've got them captive. Rate yourself as a listener.  Remember, you're a role model.

2) Reflect back what they're saying to you.

Teenager: "I hate school, Mr B is so unfair!"  Your natural response may be something along the lines of  'Don't talk about your teacher like that' or 'I'm sure that's not true.'  Result? You've put their back up and they've gone into defensive mode. 

Try another way; your response could be: "You think Mr B has been unfair?" or "You sound fed up, do you want to talk about it?"  Trial and error works best with this, they may respond with telling you about the situation (communication, hooray!) or they may just say "Well he has!".  Either way, what you haven't done is tell them how very wrong they are to think the way they do. 

3) Describe what you don't like rather than accusing

'When the house is a mess, I start to feel stressed out' will get a  marginally better response than saying 'You've made the house a mess, clean it up!'  An even better way would be to say what you want 'I need to get the house tidy for the weekend, can you help by moving your stuff please'

4) Smile!  

We're great at smiling when our children are little, but how often do we smile at our teenagers? 

5) Beginnings and endings

No matter what happens, make a decision to start and end each day with a positive. A simple, 'I love you' before bed can mean the world to a teen, but don't expect them to show it. 

6)  What are you looking for?

How will you know if your communication with your teenager is good? Note down what would be different compared to now so that you'll be able to tell when you've got there.

7) Be mindful that good communication is an ongoing goal

You'll need to keep focusing on improving communication as often as possible or you'll soon revert back to old habits. Do you need to write yourself a note to remind yourself?

8) Don't expect their communication to improve

You've set this as a goal for you to work on, it doesn't automatically follow that you're child will suddenly want to communicate well with you. Stick with it and you'll get better responses, but it may take a while, particularly if your child is used to feeling they have to defend themselves.  Teens are greatly influenced by their peers, but over a lifetime our parents are far more influential in our lives. Remember this when you're wondering why you bother!

9) Be clear about the benefits of working on this

What will you gain if you communicate well with your teen? What's in it for you?  How will life be better if you make these changes? If you know why you're doing this, you're more likely to stick at it.

10) Remember that we're all fallible human beings

We all make mistakes all the time, it's part of life. There will be times when you say and do things that create conflict with your teen; that's ok. We're not trying to be perfect here, we're just aiming to improve communication. Saying 'sorry' can be really powerful, as can never giving up. Every time you have a positive interaction with your teen, that's fantastic, you're on the journey!

I strongly recommend the How to Talk so Kids Can Listen, and Listen so Kids can Talk series by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

These are just a few ideas to get you thinking, you'll have many more of your own. The teenage years are among the toughest in our lives; knowing that they're accepted and loved by their parents can make a massive difference.  Good communication helps to show this.

Happy communicating!

With love, Lisa xx

One of 'those' days?

Do you ever wake up and feel like you're in 'one of those moods'?  You know the one; where everything seems like hard work, you just know you're about to have a Bad Day.  Have you ever thought about just observing those thoughts and feelings rather than taking them as truth?

 I woke up in one of those moods today; I felt lethargic and incapable.  Even getting out of bed seemed like a lot of trouble.  Here's what my thought processes were like:

"I've got such a lot to do today, but I feel soooo tired, I just won't be able to get it all done." ..."Maybe I'm ill?"... "Sometimes we just need to write off the day and not worry about it, we're not robots after all.".... "No-one can be happy and full of energy all the time."

Sound familiar?

Can you see what I was doing? I was mentally programming myself for an ineffective day and I wasn't even that aware I was doing it because I was so sucked into my own story!  I was justifying the fact that I was letting myself off the hook by making sweeping assumptions that I could be ill, and making generalisations about people. Now you may have guessed that I'm not feeling that way anymore, otherwise I probably wouldn't be writing this.  So what happened to break the pattern?

I decided to be the observer of my own thoughts. I paid attention to the language I was using in my head and to the pictures I was creating. I also paid attention to where in my body I was feeling the sense of lethargy (in my head, stomach and chest area).  I decided not to judge the feelings and thoughts, but not to let them be my master either. I was going to carry on as normal and just notice what I noticed.

So now it's lunchtime and I feel great. In fact I feel like laughing as I write this because I'm remembering how rotten I felt earlier and how I could have let that be my 'truth' for the day.  So, how are you feeling? What story are you telling yourself today?  If it isn't the one you want to hear you can always send it some love and start to tell yourself a different one.

Have a brilliant day, whatever you decide to do with it!

With love, Lisa xx
PS If you're thinking that some of my thoughts were 'true' and reasonable, it may be worth paying close attention to the stories you tell yourself and the language you use.

What is your inner voice telling you?

When I woke up this morning I knew I had a lot of work to do.  I keep a notepad by the side of my bed so I can write down whatever's on my mind as I wake; this morning the list was long!  Later, as I marched my children to school with a sense of urgency I thought about how I was going to tackle the day to get the most work done. 

Now, I'm lucky enough to live in beautiful Sheffield, and the walk of just over a mile to school involves some fairly steep hills with fantastic views of the Peak District.  Today, as I bounded up the hill with my daughters straggling behind, I felt an urge to stop and look at the view.  I stood for no more that thirty seconds admiring the hills and how the sky looked so bright and clear; but that was long enough for me to realise that I wanted to be out there, walking among the sheep and enjoying the sunshine. 

No sooner had the thought of actually going out to the Peaks occurred to me, other voices piped up.  "You've got too much to do, you'll be wasting your time, it's only a form of procrastination!"  Within seconds of having that inner knowing of where I wanted to be, I'd talked myself out of it.  I was going to do the sensible thing, get my head down and get on with my work.

A few minutes later and we'd arrived at school, daughters were duly kissed and waved off and I was on my way home.  At this point in my walk I again imagined myself sat on a rock enjoying the hills and the view.  The doubts were still there, but this time I knew I was going. Nothing was going to stop me.

As I drove out to the Peaks, the doubts crept in again. Was I just procrastinating? Was I just giving in to a whim? Was I doing the right thing when I had so much to do? While thinking these thoughts I missed a turn and had to go the long way round, a sign I decided, that I'd made a mistake.  Then it started to rain.

Later than I'd expected, I arrived at Burbage, a beautiful hill covered in enormous rocks for climbing on or scrambling under.  I made my way to the top, and as soon as I got there I felt peaceful.  I sat on a rock, overlooking a forest, hills and a once-again clear sky.  I watched and breathed and was grateful.

A few minutes later my inner voice told me it was time to go, and it pointed me in a different direction.  Curious as to where it would take me, I followed my instincts.  To my delight, I saw a polecat shoot past me.  It hid behind a rock and then peeped out, staring straight at me, wondering what I would do.  I stood stock still and watched the polecat watching me. After a couple of minutes it realised I posed no threat, and disappeared off.  It was a great experience, I've never seen one before.

The way back seemed to be harder than the way there; there were so many big rocks I needed to climb up and at times the way seemed to be completely blocked. I wanted to turn back, but my inner voice calmly told me, 'Keep going, find a way. There is always a way'  as I made my way back up to the top I saw the wisdom in the words and I realised without doubt that I'd definitely done the right thing. 

I'm back home now and of course I'm on my computer.  I wanted to share this with you because, well because my inner voice is guiding me to.  I don't always listen to my inner voice, but when I take the trouble to, cast aside my doubts and negativity, I'm always glad I did.

With love, Lisa xx

Normal?

I had an interesting discussion about the use of language with a group the other day and it got me thinking. We were discussing the importance/unimportance of living a normal life. It became quickly apparent that the word 'normal' seems to have different meanings. If a doctor says it to you you're probably pleased, if you describe your situation as normal you may mean that it's a bit routine and boring, or that you're finally recovering from some kind of trauma.  When we're teenagers we just want to 'be normal' meaning we want to fit in with others and develop breasts and chest hair (preferably not both!) at the same rate, yet equally we rally against the normality of our parents and teachers.  Some gurus out there advise us to 'be anything but normal - be extraordinary'.  We may feel embarrased if we're in some way connected with someone who's 'not normal'.    

So is it good or bad to be normal, or is it both or neither?

My dictionary defines normal as 'conforming to what is standard or usual'.  So I guess normal could be seen as good, bad or indifferent depending on your viewpoint.  Is what is normal to you, normal to others?  We're all guilty of making assumptions that what we find normal, others will too.  When you interact with others, how willing are you to accept that their version of normal may be vastly different from yours?

Normal can be used to mean anything from boring, everyday and ordinary to sane, healthy and like others.  Depending on our definition of normal we may rally against it, or be glad to experience it.  As coaches, teachers and parents it may be useful to recognise that some people long to be normal, while others long to be anything but.  Start with yourself; what does the word normal mean to you? How much do you want to lead a normal life, be normal and do normal things?  How you feel about this will impact on how you judge others.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just accept that ok just the way we are? 

Anais Nin said that 'we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are'.  We take in the world through our five senses and use our mind, spirit, thoughts and intuition to filter this vast wealth of information. Be mindful of this as you interact with others because the person it most affects is you. If you're the kind of person that can't understand why anyone would want to keep jetting off to do dangerous things, see if you can respect that their idea of normal is different to yours.  Equally, if you love new experiences, accept that some people love and are thankful for the routines of their 'normal' lives. 

Life would be great if we could all accept each other!

With love, Lisa xx

What are your dreams?

When you were young you probably knew that there were a million things you could do.  You may have said 'one day I'm going to be a ... and .... and a .....'  There probably weren't many doubts in your mind.  Now that you're a bit older, I wonder how often you still say 'one day I'm gonna...'.  How often do you daydream about all those great things you're going to be, do and have?  How much do you allow yourself to think and dream beyond what is already in your life?

As you read this you may be recognising that you do this all the time. In that case, fantstic!  All you need to do is keep it up and start to put things into action.  If, on the other hand, you're one of the many people who is so busy just getting through life that you haven't done this for a while, you may want to read on.

When we're busy, which if you're a parent or teacher you probably are, we often lose sight of what we were aiming for.  When we were young and free we had ambitions and dreams; but nowadays just making it through to bedtime may be all that you want to do.  One year can soon blend into another without us even noticing the time passing. All too soon we can be looking back over our lives and thinking 'where did that go?'

I want to urge you to STOP, whatever it is that you may be busy doing (after you've finished reading of course!) and take stock.  Today really is the perfect day to start to dream again, so start NOW. How you do this is up to you; you may want to meditate on it, write a list, draw a mind-map, whatever suits you best. But do it! 

Great questions to ask yourself are: 'how could life be better?'  and 'if I knew I was going to be successful, what would I do?'  What are your answers to those questions?

While you're dreaming, it's worth noticing the feelings that are going on for you.  Are you feeling excited, full of dread, or something else?  Be mindful of how you really feel and just notice without judging. You may want to write down the dream and the feeling, e.g. I dream of being a singer - the feelings are a mixture of nerves and excitement.  Or... I dream of travelling the world and  I feel free!  Whatever you dream and whatever you feel are perfectly ok, they're part of you.

One final step; put a circle around the dream that you'd most like to come true. Now think of as many things as possible that you could do to make it happen.  Then, last of all, actually do one of those things!

The wonderful Denis Waitley once said that we should think of our IQ not as our intelligence quotient but our imagination quotient.  Let your imagination run riot!

Have fun!  Lisa xx
Need help to make your dreams come true? Call me on 07749 791707 or email me at info@lisareadcoaching.com.    You've got nothing to lose but mundaneness!

Forgiveness

Today is the start of a new term for many children, and many adults across the country.  A fresh start and, in some ways, a new year.  So I was wondering, who do you need to forgive so that you can move on and really feel fresh?  

As a coach I'm used to working with people's present and future selves, but one barrier to success is a long built up sense of anger or resentment towards others. We've all experienced negative situations, and we've all had someone say the very thing that upsets us most.  Some of us hang on to those critical words or negative emotions for such a long time; and they can and do impact on our lives today and tomorrow.

I'm not a counsellor and I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I know from my own and others experiences that forgiveness is the first part to moving on. If you don't feel you can, maybe talking things over with a counsellor would be helpful.  If you want to forgive and move on here are my ideas about how you could do that:

1) Be prepared to delve

Ask yourself, who or what situation needs my forgiveness?  Be truly honest with your answers. Write down a list if you need to.

2) Examine your current feelings.

When you think about that person or situation, how does it make you feel now?  How emotional is it still? And where do you feel that feeling, is it in your stomach, your heart, your head or somewhere else?  Pay attention to what is going on for you.

3) Acknowledge your feelings.

Accept that how you feel IS how you feel.  You don't have to judge, just observe.

4) If you'd like to forgive, ask yourself how.

What could you do that would help you to forgive that person?  Sometimes I write a letter, or visualise a conversation in which it gets resolved.  Rarely (but sometimes), I contact the person direct and explain how the situation or comment made me feel. When I've done this it's tended to stir the situation up rather than make it better though. What do you need to do that will help you to move on, and what are you wanting to move on to?

5) Recognise that it was your interpretation of the situation that led to the hurt feelings.

Sometimes people say seemingly hurtful stuff and we can just laugh it off, other times it cuts us to the core. We are taking information in through our senses and therefore it's always filtered.  When you recognise that you played your part in the situation too it becomes easier to forgive.  Some people may argue that in certain situations there is only one possible way anyone could respond but if that were true we'd all be robots.  Take responsibility for everything that you've allowed into your life and forgiveness will become easier.

6) Begin to look forward

As much as possible, stay focused on what you want to achieve.  If you want to have a good relationship with someone you need to forgive, you can change the way you think, behave and communicate to get a better result.  "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi.

7) Recognise that some people need to forgive you too

It's hard for us to accept that we've done wrong, but of course we all have. I know I've hurt people's feelings and as I'm a fallible human being I probably will again in future. Knowing that I'm not perfect helps me to accept the imperfections in others and also to recognise all that they do that is good. 99.999% of people are just trying their best, including you!

Forgiveness is a big issue, whole books have been written on this subject alone so I've only scratched the surface here.  For me, the benefits of choosing to forgive are that I can be who I choose to be, I can move forward positively, and I can work towards creating good relationships with people.  I hope you've enjoyed reading this, please leave me a comment!

With love, Lisa xx

Back to reality?

It's the start of a new term and whether you're a teacher or a parent the next few weeks are likely to be very different to the last few. So, how are you feeling about the start of a new school year?  Think about this carefully, how do you actually feel?  

Sometimes we forget to listen to our 'gut' feelings. We say we're dreading something when actually we're mildly uncomfortable about it; we say something was 'the most amazing experience of our lives' when in truth it was just 'good'. I love the richness and the broadness of our language so if you love to exaggerate, go for it!  What I would like you to consider is how much you pay attention to how you really feel.  Are you guilty of blowing things out of all proportion? I know I do that.  So as you contemplate the going 'back to reality' ask yourself, what are you exaggerating and is it helpful?  

I used to focus very much on the end of the holidays, building up a sense of dread around going back to 'normal'. Other people may be counting down the minutes until their little darlings go back to school.  Wherever you are on this spectrum I'd like to remind you that nothing is fixed and unchangeable. Term time can bring a fresh start, new people into your lives and a time to set yourself some new personal goals. The holidays can bring you freedom and more time with your family and friends. Both are good, and both are better for having the other.

You may have a few days left of summer holidays or you may be back to reality already. Either way, you're right here, right now so make the most of it! See the good in each and every day, even the 'normal' ones!

Wishing you a wonderful day!

 With love, Lisa xx
www.lisareadcoaching.com

NQTs make a great start to your career

If you're a newly qualified teacher about to start your first job, congratulations! You'll no doubt be raring to go and feeling a mixture of emotions from nervousness to elation.  Below are some ideas which may help you to confidently approach your new career, enjoy!

1) Be willing to be new and inexperienced

A mistake I made as an NQT coming into teaching as a mature student and a mum was to expect to be better than I was. I thought that my life experience, training, and time as a teaching assistant meant that I had to be 'perfect'.  With hindsight I wish I'd been more willing to ask those 'daft' questions and to admit that I was finding it tough. Teachers are busy people but they care, they will help you if you ask. No matter how capable you are, in a new role you have to get to know the ropes!

2) You can't get all your systems in place at once!

You may want to set up systems for handling behaviour, jobs in the classroom and many others things too. This takes time. Ask your class for ideas about how to make things work, they'll have some great suggestions, however old they are. It's ok to tell them that you've all got to get to know each other and that things are going to change over the year.

3) Put displays up gradually

You may want your classroom to be the most beautiful display of creativity ever, but allow yourself time to do it. Better to have less than perfect displays that can be changed quickly.  Too much all at once is overkill and becomes like wallpaper - just there and not really looked at. If you have TA support, ask for their help to do displays, it may be part of their role. 

4) Develop a good relationship with your TA

If you're lucky enough to have a TA they are an invaluable resource. As a teacher you are not 'superior' to them, you merely have a different job description. Teaching assistants are valuable and knowledgeable; they often spend a lot of time working very closely with the pupils and may have years of experience. Let them know how much you value them.

5) Resist the urge to laminate everything

In my mind one of the toughest parts of being a teacher is the always thinking ahead. I felt like I was never living in the 'now' and enjoying the moment because there was always so much else still to be done. If you can, resist the urge to get ahead of everything; yes of course you need to plan ahead but try to live in the now too! Avoid laminating everything you do, you may end up just throwing it away which is a waste of resources. You may move classrooms, year groups, school; you may just want to do it differently next year when you're more experienced. 

6) Find out in advance what the extra tasks are

Over the year you'll have parents evenings, reports to write, assessments to do, progress reviews, meetings with your mentor and management, and many other things to find time to do. If you also spend two hours planning each lesson you're heading for burnout.  There will be many things that will swallow your time so accept that a 'good enough' lesson really is good enough.

7) Trust your own judgement rather than gradings

To a teacher nothing is more upsetting than having spent hours planning for a lesson observation to be told that it was 'satisfactory'.  Personally, I detest lesson gradings and think they do nothing to support teachers who are working bloomin' hard to meet the needs of their class. You may well be graded during lesson observations so I'd recommend expecting to get satisfactory and then being delighted with anything above that. Satisfactory has become synonymous with 'not good enough'; however it really does mean that you satisfied the needs of the class and therefore could be retermed 'good enough'. 

Experience counts for a lot in teaching so give yourself time to be outstanding. In truth all teachers deliver a mixture of satisfactory and outstanding lessons (and everywhere in between ) and some lessons may be deemed unsatisfactory by Ofsted too, but the pupils aren't judging you. You know that you're working hard and doing your best, hold onto that and be proud of who you are!

8) Stay positive

Listen to your inner voice, are you being ultra-critical of yourself? Are you expecting to be perfect? The teaching profession can be full of perfectionists, but another word for this is 'neurotic'.  The best teachers are often the laid back ones who can relax about mistakes and go with the kids' interests. Tell yourself repeatedly, 'I am a fabulous teacher'  get your rest, look after yourself and have fun!  The children will appreciate you being positive and relaxed far more than they'll appreciate the lesson you spent till 1am preparing for them.

Last of all, remember that you are a role model. You will have many young minds looking up to you and noticing what you say and how you behave. The lasting impression you'll have on those children will be who you are, not what you taught them.  Be 'who you are'!

Need support in your NQT year? Make it a fantastic year by calling me on 07749 791707, visiting my website www.lisareadcoaching.com or emailing me at info@lisareadcoaching.com.  Here for you!

How much 'screen time' does your child get?

Modern houses are filled with screens; televisions, laptops, PCs, smart phones, DS games and so on. Whilst few of us would be without our mod-cons, and lets face it - they can help to keep the kids quiet - it seems a shame that so many young people today spend more time in front of a screen each day than they do interacting with their family and friends.   According to kidshealth.org the average teenager spends around 4-6 hours a day in front of a screen, which can affect their posture, physical fitness and social skills. But what do we do about it? The difficulty is manifold; firstly it is easy and relatively cheap, secondly the children love it and may feel like they were being punished if screen time was reduced. In addition, we parents are usually so busy with the many tasks we need to complete each day that we're too tired to want to do anything about it.

In our society it is unrealistic and unnecessary to want to eradicate screen time altogether, we don't need to beat ourselves up about what we could consider to be our inadequacies as parents. Instead, how about focusing on the goal of increasing quality family or parent/child time?

Below are my tips for realistically getting better quality time with your children:

1) Use the good side of television to your advantage
Personally, I love Horrible Histories and have learnt a lot about history from it. I often sit down with a cup of tea and watch it with my children. We've had some brilliant discussions about history as a result! There are many other interesting programmes that you could watch together.

2) Get fit together
If you want to get fitter how about involving your child? You could go on short jogs together or join a club which supports family membership such as orienteering or martial arts. Or even just go for a walk; children often talk about what's happening for them when they're side by side with you on a walk.

3) Arrange time to talk it over
Children need to know that you're a human being and you're doing your best but you don't necessarily have all the right answers. Explain your concerns about the amount of time they sit in front of a screen, pointing out some of the health implications. Ask your children for their opinion and advice about what to do. They'll come up with some fantastic ideas.

4) Be realistic about how much time you have
I need to learn this one! I tend to believe I can more done in a day than is physically possible for one person! When I'm caught up being 'busy' guess what my children are doing? Yep, watching a screen of some kind. Not always of course, but often. By being realistic about how long things actually take (think of a number and double it!)by giving ourselves strict time limits on getting jobs done, and by prioritising the tasks that need to be done we can buy ourselves more time to focus on what really is important - those young lives.

5) Lead by example
I can waste hours watching repeats on telly or playing games on my smartphone. Sometimes my children can be wanting to talk to me and I'll even tell them to come back later! I'm a fallible human being, just like you, and I make plenty of mistakes. By choosing to turn off the screen I can show my children that I know there's a time and a place for it. My goal is to be a conscious screen watcher - by this I mean to only watch things or play things because I consciously want to, not to 'kill time'. Fancy joining me? 

6) Sort your priorities
Many of us say that our children mean more to us than anything else, but do we really mean it? First and foremost we need to ensure that we're looking after ourselves and being great role-models by living the life we dream of. When we've worked out what is really important to us personally then we'll have so much more to give to our children. Our enthusiasm for life will naturally shine through and our children will be encouraged to aspire to achieve their dreams. Once they start dreaming big, the lure of the screen will be far less enticing!  So what are you dreaming of? Is your life how you wanted it to be? 

Take the time to focus on yourself today, write a list of what you'd love to achieve and do one thing to help get yourself there. If you need help on this, call me on 07749 791707 or look at my website (more screens!) on www.lisareadcoaching.com.

Whatever you do today, be happy!

With love, Lisa xx

Tough times for would-be University undergraduates

 The BBC website quotes that "A-level passes have risen for the 29th year in a row as teenagers face an intense battle for university places.Those who miss out on a place this year could face tuition fees of up to £9,000 a year."

Facing soaring debt many young people are scrambling to get to university this year before they risk having to pay even more next September. This is a tough time for all our aspiring future achievers. If you're someone who is facing this difficult time please hang on in there! Stay positive and remember although today is hard, life does get better. Focus on what you really want to achieve and you will get there, just keep focusing on it and taking those small steps towards it. If organisations or others are getting in your way, look for a different route. You can achieve what you want to!

With love, Lisa xx

A Level Results - have your dreams or nightmares come true?

Thousands of young people today will be finding out just how they did in the A levels, a big day. I remember clearly walking up to school to find out how I'd got on, my stomach churning with every step. This really is a life changing day for so many people; if it goes well you get to go the university of your choice and life is good. If you don't get the grades you needed, suddenly you're in turmoil and facing clearing or second choice places.

If you've taken A levels, congratulations! Even if you didn't get what you wanted you still put yourself out there and worked hard for two long years. You set yourself a goal (to pass) and you did all  you could to achieve it. If things didn't work out for you, now is the time to take stock, remind yourself that you're a great person, and to be kind to yourself. When you've come to terms with it you can ask yourself what went wrong and begin to see the positives in what has happened. Coping with failure and disappointment is a sure-fire way to ultimately being successful; as many an inventor, writer and business person has found out. Life doesn't end if you don't get the grades, it is merely a new beginning.

So today, be proud of who you are!  Celebrate all that you have achieved. You are wonderful!

If you're feeling stuck and want some coaching to help take you on the short cut to success, call me on 07749 791707 or visit my website www.lisareadcoaching.com.  Coaching really does make a difference.

With love, Lisa xx

Youth today - support not condemnation

In the last couple of weeks so much has been reported about the riots across the country.  The blame seems to be firmly placed in the hands of today's young people.  So what happened to make so many young people appear to be without morals or compassion? I believe young people need our support, not our condemnation. Evey time we look at teenagers and automatically assume that they're about to cause trouble, we're adding to the problem. 

There will be plenty of people out there that think that showing kindness and compassion is exactly the wrong thing to do. These youths, they'll argue, need a good strong kick up the xxx.  But as Gandhi said, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."  These children have been taught, somehow or other, that our world is not worth caring about; by showing them hatred and harshness we're only going to make them more sure that they're right.

I wish I could say I had the solutions to the problem. All I know is, if every parent and teacher showed love and compassion and lived by their values the world would surely be a happier place. We are role models for the next generation, even if we aren't their parents or their teachers.  We are all in this together.  What can you do today, right now, to be the change you wish to see in the world?

If you're a parent and you want to invest in positivity and skills for life for your child, give me a call on 07749 791707 or look on my website www.lisareadcoaching.com.  We CAN make a difference!

With love, Lisa xx

Summer holidays are well underway - are you enjoying them?

As a former teacher I've always loved the summer holidays. To me they're a chance to catch up with myself, be with my three lovely children, sort out their clothes (too small, too stained, just right etc) and maybe even go on a holiday!  I love the freedom, the feeling of endless time, the sunshine, the long evenings. Summer holidays are fantastic!

Of course not everyone feels this way, to some parents the holidays are a logistical nightmare of trying to arrange childcare that doesn't cost too much. To others the expense, the boredom and the sibling rivalry that occurs can be a nightmare.

Whether you're a summer holiday lover or loather, the following ideas may help you to enjoy what's left of them!

1) Be mindful that they're coming to an end. This may sound miserable, but the best things are often over so quickly and if we're aware that they're going to end we make the most of them. Ask yourself, what would make these next few weeks fantastic?  Act on the answers!

2) Aim to do at least one thing for you every day. Your children will benefit more from having a happy parent than they will from having a frazzled one who is trying to do everything perfectly. Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it!

3) Every day doesn't have to be a 'wow'. Children often like going back to something they've previously enjoyed. They also like having the time to be at home, especially when they're busy at school and clubs most of the year. Indulging in a bit of lone play or reading will help develop your child's imagination and thinking skills.

4) Baking, sewing, knitting, gardening, or other simple homely activities undertaken with a patient adult can be a wonderful, memorable activity for any child. If this isn't for you, could a friend or relative have a bit of time with your child?

5) You'll never have a summer holiday with your child being this particular age again, what can you do to make it special for them? Could you keep a diary, ask them what they want to do, do something different? Of course if you enjoy the moment too, it'll be all the better for your child.

Before we know it the nights will start drawing in and we'll be longing for summer again. Lets make this year a good one!  Having said that, if it's all getting a bit too much why not give me a call for some parent coaching sessions? Parent coaching is about helping you to make the most of your life and your family. You're worth investing in! Call me on 07749 791707 or look at my website www.lisareadcoaching.com for information about my coaching packages.

With love, Lisa xx

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Teenagers - how confident are they really?

I love teenagers. They're full of opinions, are creating their own individuality, and at the same time they're yearning to just fit in with everyone else. If I'm honest I didn't really enjoy being a teenager myself. Looking back it seems that I spent most of the time angsting about whether what I was wearing or saying was 'right' and the remaining time angsting about the things I'd already worn and said. On top of all that peer-pressure, there are life-changing decisions to be made about future careers, future partners, money, exams, etc, etc. I wouldn't go back to that time at all, no thanks!

This is why I'm so keen to support teens as they go through one of the toughest, most insecure times of their lives. Teenage anxiety levels and lack of confidence is a serious concern. Although they may look more stylish and confident than ever before, I believe this is borne out of a deep sense of insecurity and a feeling of not being 'good enough' as they are.  Hoodies, so popular amongst the under 20s, are also a way of protecting themselves, hiding themselves away from the 'real world'. It's very easy to blame today's youth for all our societal problems, but surely we adults have collectively taught them how the world works?  When was the last time you smiled at a group of teens, instead of instantly jumping to the conclusion that they're probably out to mug you?

Parents of teenagers, if your son or daughter would benefit from the support of a non-judgemental and objective listener, who could help them to learn positive skills that will develop their confidence levels, why not call Lisa Read on 07749 791707 or visit www.lisareadcoaching.com.   This is one investment in their future that really will stay with them.

With love, Lisa xx

There's nothing like a blow to the head to help you see sense!

Morning! I have a bit of a headache today, only a mild one though. I came off a bike the other day (embarrasingly my 8 year old daughter's) and suffered a grazed elbow, knee and a fairly hard bang to the head. Yesterday I felt slightly sick and so tired I wanted to stop and  rest, but it was one of those judgement call times. I knew if I kept going I'd be ok, but at what point do we decide to just stop and look after ourselves? I decided to lie down and take it easy, something I almost never do, and while I lay there I felt a mixture of emotions from boredom to relaxation to restlessness, to wanting to go on my mobile phone to see what was happening 'out there' and then back to peaceful relaxation again. Whilst lying down I knew that at any moment I could choose to get up and get going again, but somewhere deep down I felt that staying still was the right thing to do.  

Now I believe in the Law of Attraction, so whilst lying there feeling wiped out  I  wondered why I'd attracted this blow to the head to me. I realised after a while that I'd been crying out for a break and by bringing a possible, if very mild, brain injury to myself it forced me to stop and take that break. In recognising this I also realised that an easier way would be to take regular breaks and relax more so that I don't have to do it the painful way!

So what am I going to do differently? I talk about meditation, now I'm actually going to do it. I'm going to schedule it in for ten minutes every day for the next week.  I'll let you know how I get on!

Your turn: if you'd had an accident this week what do you think it would be highlighting for you? What can you do differently now so that you don't have to create illness or accidents?

With love, Lisa xx

Welcome

Hello and welcome to my blog! I'm Lisa Read, a confidence coach who specialises in working with young people and their parents. My goal is to help the next generation to feel good about themselves and to want to be caring, community minded citizens. As a parent myself I know how challenging it can be to raise children,  I've definitely made my share of mistakes! What I do know though is that our children are so very important. They really are the future and we need to be doing all we can to help them to be truly happy, confident people.