What is your inner voice telling you?

When I woke up this morning I knew I had a lot of work to do.  I keep a notepad by the side of my bed so I can write down whatever's on my mind as I wake; this morning the list was long!  Later, as I marched my children to school with a sense of urgency I thought about how I was going to tackle the day to get the most work done. 

Now, I'm lucky enough to live in beautiful Sheffield, and the walk of just over a mile to school involves some fairly steep hills with fantastic views of the Peak District.  Today, as I bounded up the hill with my daughters straggling behind, I felt an urge to stop and look at the view.  I stood for no more that thirty seconds admiring the hills and how the sky looked so bright and clear; but that was long enough for me to realise that I wanted to be out there, walking among the sheep and enjoying the sunshine. 

No sooner had the thought of actually going out to the Peaks occurred to me, other voices piped up.  "You've got too much to do, you'll be wasting your time, it's only a form of procrastination!"  Within seconds of having that inner knowing of where I wanted to be, I'd talked myself out of it.  I was going to do the sensible thing, get my head down and get on with my work.

A few minutes later and we'd arrived at school, daughters were duly kissed and waved off and I was on my way home.  At this point in my walk I again imagined myself sat on a rock enjoying the hills and the view.  The doubts were still there, but this time I knew I was going. Nothing was going to stop me.

As I drove out to the Peaks, the doubts crept in again. Was I just procrastinating? Was I just giving in to a whim? Was I doing the right thing when I had so much to do? While thinking these thoughts I missed a turn and had to go the long way round, a sign I decided, that I'd made a mistake.  Then it started to rain.

Later than I'd expected, I arrived at Burbage, a beautiful hill covered in enormous rocks for climbing on or scrambling under.  I made my way to the top, and as soon as I got there I felt peaceful.  I sat on a rock, overlooking a forest, hills and a once-again clear sky.  I watched and breathed and was grateful.

A few minutes later my inner voice told me it was time to go, and it pointed me in a different direction.  Curious as to where it would take me, I followed my instincts.  To my delight, I saw a polecat shoot past me.  It hid behind a rock and then peeped out, staring straight at me, wondering what I would do.  I stood stock still and watched the polecat watching me. After a couple of minutes it realised I posed no threat, and disappeared off.  It was a great experience, I've never seen one before.

The way back seemed to be harder than the way there; there were so many big rocks I needed to climb up and at times the way seemed to be completely blocked. I wanted to turn back, but my inner voice calmly told me, 'Keep going, find a way. There is always a way'  as I made my way back up to the top I saw the wisdom in the words and I realised without doubt that I'd definitely done the right thing. 

I'm back home now and of course I'm on my computer.  I wanted to share this with you because, well because my inner voice is guiding me to.  I don't always listen to my inner voice, but when I take the trouble to, cast aside my doubts and negativity, I'm always glad I did.

With love, Lisa xx

Normal?

I had an interesting discussion about the use of language with a group the other day and it got me thinking. We were discussing the importance/unimportance of living a normal life. It became quickly apparent that the word 'normal' seems to have different meanings. If a doctor says it to you you're probably pleased, if you describe your situation as normal you may mean that it's a bit routine and boring, or that you're finally recovering from some kind of trauma.  When we're teenagers we just want to 'be normal' meaning we want to fit in with others and develop breasts and chest hair (preferably not both!) at the same rate, yet equally we rally against the normality of our parents and teachers.  Some gurus out there advise us to 'be anything but normal - be extraordinary'.  We may feel embarrased if we're in some way connected with someone who's 'not normal'.    

So is it good or bad to be normal, or is it both or neither?

My dictionary defines normal as 'conforming to what is standard or usual'.  So I guess normal could be seen as good, bad or indifferent depending on your viewpoint.  Is what is normal to you, normal to others?  We're all guilty of making assumptions that what we find normal, others will too.  When you interact with others, how willing are you to accept that their version of normal may be vastly different from yours?

Normal can be used to mean anything from boring, everyday and ordinary to sane, healthy and like others.  Depending on our definition of normal we may rally against it, or be glad to experience it.  As coaches, teachers and parents it may be useful to recognise that some people long to be normal, while others long to be anything but.  Start with yourself; what does the word normal mean to you? How much do you want to lead a normal life, be normal and do normal things?  How you feel about this will impact on how you judge others.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just accept that ok just the way we are? 

Anais Nin said that 'we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are'.  We take in the world through our five senses and use our mind, spirit, thoughts and intuition to filter this vast wealth of information. Be mindful of this as you interact with others because the person it most affects is you. If you're the kind of person that can't understand why anyone would want to keep jetting off to do dangerous things, see if you can respect that their idea of normal is different to yours.  Equally, if you love new experiences, accept that some people love and are thankful for the routines of their 'normal' lives. 

Life would be great if we could all accept each other!

With love, Lisa xx

What are your dreams?

When you were young you probably knew that there were a million things you could do.  You may have said 'one day I'm going to be a ... and .... and a .....'  There probably weren't many doubts in your mind.  Now that you're a bit older, I wonder how often you still say 'one day I'm gonna...'.  How often do you daydream about all those great things you're going to be, do and have?  How much do you allow yourself to think and dream beyond what is already in your life?

As you read this you may be recognising that you do this all the time. In that case, fantstic!  All you need to do is keep it up and start to put things into action.  If, on the other hand, you're one of the many people who is so busy just getting through life that you haven't done this for a while, you may want to read on.

When we're busy, which if you're a parent or teacher you probably are, we often lose sight of what we were aiming for.  When we were young and free we had ambitions and dreams; but nowadays just making it through to bedtime may be all that you want to do.  One year can soon blend into another without us even noticing the time passing. All too soon we can be looking back over our lives and thinking 'where did that go?'

I want to urge you to STOP, whatever it is that you may be busy doing (after you've finished reading of course!) and take stock.  Today really is the perfect day to start to dream again, so start NOW. How you do this is up to you; you may want to meditate on it, write a list, draw a mind-map, whatever suits you best. But do it! 

Great questions to ask yourself are: 'how could life be better?'  and 'if I knew I was going to be successful, what would I do?'  What are your answers to those questions?

While you're dreaming, it's worth noticing the feelings that are going on for you.  Are you feeling excited, full of dread, or something else?  Be mindful of how you really feel and just notice without judging. You may want to write down the dream and the feeling, e.g. I dream of being a singer - the feelings are a mixture of nerves and excitement.  Or... I dream of travelling the world and  I feel free!  Whatever you dream and whatever you feel are perfectly ok, they're part of you.

One final step; put a circle around the dream that you'd most like to come true. Now think of as many things as possible that you could do to make it happen.  Then, last of all, actually do one of those things!

The wonderful Denis Waitley once said that we should think of our IQ not as our intelligence quotient but our imagination quotient.  Let your imagination run riot!

Have fun!  Lisa xx
Need help to make your dreams come true? Call me on 07749 791707 or email me at info@lisareadcoaching.com.    You've got nothing to lose but mundaneness!

Forgiveness

Today is the start of a new term for many children, and many adults across the country.  A fresh start and, in some ways, a new year.  So I was wondering, who do you need to forgive so that you can move on and really feel fresh?  

As a coach I'm used to working with people's present and future selves, but one barrier to success is a long built up sense of anger or resentment towards others. We've all experienced negative situations, and we've all had someone say the very thing that upsets us most.  Some of us hang on to those critical words or negative emotions for such a long time; and they can and do impact on our lives today and tomorrow.

I'm not a counsellor and I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I know from my own and others experiences that forgiveness is the first part to moving on. If you don't feel you can, maybe talking things over with a counsellor would be helpful.  If you want to forgive and move on here are my ideas about how you could do that:

1) Be prepared to delve

Ask yourself, who or what situation needs my forgiveness?  Be truly honest with your answers. Write down a list if you need to.

2) Examine your current feelings.

When you think about that person or situation, how does it make you feel now?  How emotional is it still? And where do you feel that feeling, is it in your stomach, your heart, your head or somewhere else?  Pay attention to what is going on for you.

3) Acknowledge your feelings.

Accept that how you feel IS how you feel.  You don't have to judge, just observe.

4) If you'd like to forgive, ask yourself how.

What could you do that would help you to forgive that person?  Sometimes I write a letter, or visualise a conversation in which it gets resolved.  Rarely (but sometimes), I contact the person direct and explain how the situation or comment made me feel. When I've done this it's tended to stir the situation up rather than make it better though. What do you need to do that will help you to move on, and what are you wanting to move on to?

5) Recognise that it was your interpretation of the situation that led to the hurt feelings.

Sometimes people say seemingly hurtful stuff and we can just laugh it off, other times it cuts us to the core. We are taking information in through our senses and therefore it's always filtered.  When you recognise that you played your part in the situation too it becomes easier to forgive.  Some people may argue that in certain situations there is only one possible way anyone could respond but if that were true we'd all be robots.  Take responsibility for everything that you've allowed into your life and forgiveness will become easier.

6) Begin to look forward

As much as possible, stay focused on what you want to achieve.  If you want to have a good relationship with someone you need to forgive, you can change the way you think, behave and communicate to get a better result.  "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi.

7) Recognise that some people need to forgive you too

It's hard for us to accept that we've done wrong, but of course we all have. I know I've hurt people's feelings and as I'm a fallible human being I probably will again in future. Knowing that I'm not perfect helps me to accept the imperfections in others and also to recognise all that they do that is good. 99.999% of people are just trying their best, including you!

Forgiveness is a big issue, whole books have been written on this subject alone so I've only scratched the surface here.  For me, the benefits of choosing to forgive are that I can be who I choose to be, I can move forward positively, and I can work towards creating good relationships with people.  I hope you've enjoyed reading this, please leave me a comment!

With love, Lisa xx